The First Thing to Go – A Behavioral Curse -
In my personal pursuit of martial art prowess I have been witness to many things both in and out of the training hall. This article will be about my observations regarding peoples discipline and dedication. What can these attributes of discipline and dedication do for you? How can they instill a positive change in you? These changes are improvements on a personal level. It is important to know that the results of these changes are perishable things. They need to be refreshed and maintained in order to work as they are needed. Change is a rather slippery dynamic that can either work for you or it can work against you.
The Beginning: The New Student
They roll into my martial arts studio, people from all walks of life who want to learn the way of ways. They are often unsure of themselves. They need guidance and they need training in the worst way. I can tell this by the way they stand, move or sit. They also know that they need some positive direction in their lives. Otherwise they would not have even come in my studio at all. They desperately need a heavy boost in personal confidence. They seek a new lease on life in some cases. The very core of their being will need to be redefined in order to create the new person they desire to be. This is no easy job. Sometimes being a martial arts teacher is much like being some type of alternative therapist more so than a fight coach. I guess it just comes with the territory if you know what I mean. A teacher is there to help, to teach. A teacher holds a place of sacred trust which the budding student depends upon.
The Dedicated Domestic Warrior
So the new student desires change in their life path. The teacher (me) is willing to bring that much needed change about. Together we then begin to ardently seek this line of self perfection through the arts we are learning and practicing together. Many long days and years shall be racked up as the art is instilled into the students mind, heart and body. This instilling of the art into his life is the goal of the true seeker of growth and change.
Soon confidence does come. Social awkwardness and shyness become things of the past. As grows the man’s skill in the martial arts also grows his character and his confidence in his self. In some cases a deep spirituality sets in as the sacredness of life is fully realized through the sincere study of the martial philosophy which each true martial art contains.
The Goal Attained
Eventually this dedicated path of training reaches a culmination point. The knowledge has been given by the Guru (Sifu, Sensei) and accepted by the student (Chela). The skills: imparted, practiced and honed to perfection! The once lost are now with inner guidance and moral compass. They have re-created themselves in a fine manner and their life somehow becomes magically "better" than it has ever been. This is the good side of martial discipline at its finest. Success!
Soon the budding student has a good job. The student likes his new job and sees a strong future before himself. He plans on keeping that job. Soon enough the upcoming (and now confident) pupil meets a significant other. His life expands enough to encompass another life in his personal circle. Relationships are good.
Successful relationships are part of the good life we all seek. The student we speak of is now able to see benefit! His dedication in the training hall is now paying off in so many ways (both in and outside of the training hall)! It is an exciting time for our man! Soon our man The student) is able to buy himself a nice car. In some cases the next thing to appear on his radar of success is a baby. Yes, one and one do make three! Success and the elusive "better life" is finally here! So our man might as well buy a house too. So he does. Things go along good for a limited time.
Success Kills
As each day passes the newly formed master martial warrior is fractionally diminished by the stresses and responsibilities of his new “better” life (which he created). But it is difficult for him to notice this diminishment as his fast paced life is now in unstoppable motion. Soon the stress becomes a dominating force. Stress and responsibility are beginning to damage the good times for our man.
Some changes must be made, so the very first thing that gets cut in the busy life is their martial arts training! Every goddamn time! The very thing which gave them the power and ability to accomplish these many things is the first thing that gets cut out of their life when the going gets tough! Whether it be due to money, time constraints or relationship matters it is always the martial arts training which bites the dust. WTF? To me being the Guru this is a telltale sign that the student does not understand the energies of the reality which he created. This misunderstanding of the way is always most regretful to witness as a teacher. I know the consequences! It is nigh unto impossible to stop this once it begins.
The Slow Fall
Next comes the slow fall into desperation and depression. It creeps up on our man. He never sees it coming. Things just start going off track. Soon the pace increases and things just get worse by the day. The once dedicated student cannot understand what the hell is happening to him. Nothing is working out right any longer as it once did. The girl he loved now seems distant to his advances. Why? Because he has changed! The dapper, happy confident martial man she knew of the past is gone. Replaced by a stressed out shadow of his former self. Gone is the confident light in his eyes. The brisk light step so many good martial men acquire through training is also gone. His step is now heavy and awkward for he has gained weight. Plus he has taken up social drinking (stress) and is soon drinking too much. All these changes were rapid, soon the three years of martial dedication we put together as a team are wiped away by the onslaught of his so called successful, better life.
The Last Dance
So the chaos of the “better” life eventually takes its toll on the once dedicated martial man that I knew. The good job soon mysteriously fades away. The frazzled spouse of our man files for a separation and moves out. Divorce papers are coming in the mail. Friends then veer away from the troubled hot spot that our man’s life has become. They have enough headaches in their own world, they do not need any more. The money begins to run out, savings are shot. Our man goes into a negative free fall. The lawyers and courts move in too, swiftly chopping up our man’s life until it is no longer recognizable as the beautiful thing it once was. This is a death spiral. The only way out is down. The drinking increases and the food intake decreases. He is caught in a serious and unhealthy life-trap. Our man knows this and reacts. After all, his back is up against the wall!
The Rough Return
Eventually the once well energized student of the arts returns to his old digs. IE: The martial arts studio. But now he is a worn out, tired man that is several years older now. But he wants to “get back into it”. Hell, why not? There is nothing else left. So like a lost dog, he returns to the only place that felt “right”.
That place is the martial arts studio (dojo). So now, jobless, homeless, no relationship on his horizons. So he once again undertakes the regimen of training as he did many years ago. He pushes hard, his depression and anger drive him. His hopelessness hinders him. Training is harder now than it once was. His mind is no longer able to focus as before. He struggles with learning the arts now. He grows frustrated with himself. But he pushes on! On to a “better life” – yep, say what?
Yes, our man is getting back on his feet. He shall re-find his groove. In a while he is doing a bit better. Through his training he is once again coping with life’s issues. But has the lesson really been learned? As soon as life “gets better” will he once again abandon his true life thread for material shit? Will pussy, money, ego, immaturity and childish bullshit win out over martial mastery again? (Don’t laugh, I’ve seen it happen. It’s a cycle). This is a tricky spot to be in. A life is on the line!
Never Again Awareness
If our reborn martial arts student actually awakens and learns from his experience then he will never allow anything to come between him and his source of life energy again. He will remain dedicated through good and through bad times. He will understand the true value of his training at an inner level.
People and places will come and go throughout his life. The martial arts will not come and go. They will remain a positive life-line for his entire life. A job, another person or situation will not be able to alienate him from his true path in life as it once could have in the past. This is because our man has truly learned the lesson his life has taught him. Where his true strength and the foundation of his spirit reside is in the martial path he so loves and values. For it is from this special place that his good fortune, health and personality spring forth from.
His energy and vitality comes not from whom he knows, nor from the brand of shoes he wears, nor from his current job. He is not defined by these exterior things. He is now defined by his knowledge, experience and wisdom. Inner things he draws upon which come now from him, not others. He is often tempted to stop his martial studies as he was tempted to do so long ago and did. But he says to his new self: “no, never again will I abandon the way” for anything or anyone. It would be at that point his mastery of life and of living would begin to fully bloom! Sincere training is now a permanent lifestyle for one such as him. He'll be ok -
